Gorgeous

Jerry’s Cafeteria is the paramount of dining here in Cutesville, USA. Sure, we have several fine dining establishments, but none of which compare to the complete package that is Jerry’s. Like its name suggests, it truly is an actual cafeteria. You grab your tray, your silverware, and then proceed down the cafeteria line to order your readily made food, which is then served by some of the best people in the business. The whole experience is every bit as cute as it sounds. I have been going to Jerry’s my entire life and will continue going till my death because Jerry’s is the best. Melissa and I love Jerry’s so much that we had them cater our wedding and not surprisingly we received much fanfare for our decision.

Well, a couple weeks back, Melissa, our friend Lindsey, and myself all went to Jerry’s for dinner and it all started off just the same as it always does. We walked in to a barrage of “hello’s!” and “how are you’s?” and then ordered our delicious food and drinks, paid for our meals, and thanked the staff. We could not have imagined at this point that this traditionally typical evening was soon about to become as atypical as we have ever had at Jerry’s.

After receiving our food and segueing into the dining area from the cafeteria line we were in the fortunate position of having nearly any table in the place to choose from. Jerry’s is incredibly popular with the more mature crowd who traditionally dinner around 4:00, so by the time we got there around 6:30, we nearly had the place to ourselves!

Despite having the pick of the litter, there is one particular row of tables that I always opt to sit in. They’re all angled at a slant as opposed to the straight faced others and they border the entry hallway providing us with the best visibility of the restaurant as a whole. We sat in one that placed us somewhat near the main doors and immediately began eating our delectable dinners.

As we were just a couple days before Christmas, the topic of conversation between the three of us was what we were getting the various people in our lives for the holiday. Melissa was sharing with Lindsey how we got framed pictures of our families from our wedding day for both my parents and hers when a gentleman who had recently seated himself just across the way started talking rather loudly, at this point assumingly to himself, as he was sitting on his own.

As Melissa continued talking, so did he, only he kept getting louder and louder and it wasn’t until Melissa essentially quit talking altogether that we were finally able to make out just what he was hollering over.

He was going on and on about how he was in agreement that no one should ever be forced to wear a seatbelt in their own car if they choose otherwise. Melissa and Lindsey figured there was no way he was talking to us because we certainly were never talking about seatbelts, but having been in enough bizarre moments to last anyone else a lifetime, I knew this man was directing his shouts our way.

We continued talking amongst ourselves as though we were blissfully unaware of his constant yelling, so he started shouting even louder some rather uncouth things about how our conversation must be too privileged and important for us to acknowledge the likes of him. This round of hollering guaranteed that everyone seated at our table was now on the same page.

“Shit,” Lindsey whispered as she lowered her head to the table. “He is definitely talking to us.”

“Did you think he was yelling at those people across the room?” I whispered in wonderment. “There is no way their hearing aids would have picked all that up from way down there!”

The three of us did our best to muddle through more conversation as though we were still clueless to his hollers, but it was becoming increasingly clear that we were not going to emerge from this without some sort of shared moment with this individual.

We were not going to be able to continue playing ignorant for much longer because he was really yelling by this point and just when our situation looked most bleak, a large family came through the doors and went every which direction. About half immediately turned into the dining area and began merging a handful of tables together. This welcomed surprise gave us the window of opportunity we needed to make a break for it. We rose in unison from our table and made off for the exit, but our loud friend was a step ahead of us and hustled across the room positioning himself to be the perfect blockade.

“Y’all sure were havin’ some real intellectual conversations over there,” he spoke with a slight twang in his voice that was somehow noticeably absent from all his hollers.

“Oh yes, well, we certainly try,” I replied with a clueless smile because I genuinely had no idea what he defined as intellectual. We were talking about family photos and saltine crackers. While always enjoyable topics, neither of which I would consider to be of intellectual conversation.

“You know, I like to come in places like this and just listen to what other people are talkin’ ’bout,” he said with his toothy grin. “The name’s Jeff by the way,” he added while sticking his dirty hand out in our direction.

I took the first plunge and shook his hand while introducing myself and then stepped aside just slightly to give Melissa and Lindsey the opportunity to do the same. Following our introductions, he immediately began proceeding to tell us that the old pair of couples enjoying their coffee and desserts down the way were having what he referred to as a “super dumb fucking conversation,” but he again marveled at our, “intellectual one.”

Again, baffled by his use of the word intellectual to describe talk of saltine crackers and family photos, I just smiled and nodded in return. His eye contact was intense, but this is a type of awkward I am all too familiar with, so I just continued to keep eye contact when it was conversationally necessary.

“I really just gotta say, y’all are real right,” he began before pausing for an inordinate amount of time leaving the three of us in suspense as to what was to come next.

I yearned to just erupt with laughter at this point, but I did not want to come across like a jackass, so it was highly necessary that I controlled my impulses. After all, we definitely needed Jeff to continue controlling his.

“I’m sorry, but we were right about what?” I questioned with a smile.

“‘Bout havin’ to wear seatbelts of course,” he said sounding dumbfounded. “You know, my momma always says we should be able to do what we damn well want in our own damn car. Fuck Uncle Sam, he’s always wantin’ to run our lives, tellin’ us what we can and can’t do all the damn time.”

“Oh yes, well, I could not agree more,” I lied through my smile. I am incredibly pro-seatbelt and think that only a talentless idiot would ever choose to not wear one, but given our situation, I would probably have agreed with just about any asinine thing Jeff said.

“I just think we shouldn’t be havin’ to do things because Uncle Sam says so,” he reiterated.

“Hmmm… yes, well again, I completely agree, but unfortunately Jeff, we have to be on our way,” I said smiling as I shook his dirty hand once more. “It was nice meeting you though and we hope you have a great rest of your night,” I said as I began maneuvering around him.

“Hey man, you guys too!” He responded in an elevated tone that rivaled his earliest ones.

I placed my hands on the bar to push the first door open when Jeff said something that caused me to stop dead in my tracks and hang on his every word.

“Hey you know what,” he was talking specifically to Lindsey at this point as both Melissa and I had cleared past him. “I just gotta tell ya,” he began again, “you’re really gorgeous.”

“Oh… wow… um… oh goodness, um… thanks,” Lindsey laughed as her face reddened.

“I’m sure you already got a boyfriend though, don’t ya?” A blushing Jeff said as he ran both his hands nervously through his slicked back hair.

“Oh… um… yeah… I do,” Lindsey answered nervously. “He just couldn’t make it tonight,” she added immediately.

“Well, have a great rest of your night, Jeff!” I called back from the door as I threw my right hand in the air to wave him goodbye and pushed the bar of the door open with the other.

The three of us walked across the cold parking lot in silence, each of us waiting patiently to say anything about the moment till we were all safely seated inside my car.

“Lindsey, I can’t believe you lied to Jeff like that,” I said as I placed my seatbelt on over my shoulder, an action we know Jeff would not have approved of. “I mean, he said you were gorgeous! That kinda shit doesn’t just happen everyday like that.”

Lindsey first laughed, but then added, “yeah right! He was so crazy! Who just hollers randomly at other people while their eating?”

“Well, apparently Jeff does, but only after listening incorrectly to other table’s conversations,” I said as I turned to look back at a seatbeltless Lindsey. “Um… Lindsey, you trying to conform to your new crush?” I asked as my eyes darted back and forth from the seatbelt waiting to be pulled from behind her shoulder to her face.

“Ugh! He just has me so frazzled! I don’t even know what I’m doing!” Said an exasperated Lindsey as she aggressively yanked the seatbelt across her. “Let’s just get out of here,” she said as I put the car in Drive and did just that.

Well, I do hope I was able to entertain you once more and as always, THANK YOU for reading! I appreciate each of you greatly! Please feel free to leave a comment below and until next time I hope you are living your best life!