Back in my Disney Days, I would typically meet my Orange County friends in the Macy’s parking lot at the Santa Ana Mainplace Mall, where all but one of us would leave our vehicle and ride into Disneyland Resort together. I had the Premier Annual Pass to Disneyland Resort, which included free parking, so meeting up at the mall twelve minutes down the road helped save my friends from having to pay that $20 parking fee each time.
Well, one such afternoon, I was meeting my friend Anita at this very mall to do as we always did. Unfortunately for us though, it was mid-December and the parking was scarce as the mall was absolutely packed! There is a parking garage on site near the Macy’s store and I must have driven around its three levels a half dozen times to no avail. Each time I would find a spot someone else would have spotted it before me. We were squandering plenty of precious Disney time searching for what seemed like the impossible. All the while we searched we remained on the phone with one another sharing our trials and tribulations in parking and hopes that whichever one of us did manage to park first the other could zoom right over to that person’s place and we could get up out of there.
As I came down the ramp from the second story of the parking structure I was taken aback by the sudden sight of dozens and dozens of people fleeing from the two sets of doors visible before me. Each individual came sprinting out of the mall wearing varying looks of fear and confusion across their faces as they fled from the mall and into the parking areas and beyond.
As I shared with Anita what I was seeing she started to panic, telling me that she was witnessing the same fearful chaos from where she was. We both knew that where we were was not where we wanted to be and that it would be best if we abandoned our parking spot search and set course for Disney. Just as we made our decision to flee, a young man ran right into my car as I was inching along amongst the crowds. He stumbled backwards, but quickly got up to his feet and motioned a thousand apologies to me, so I took the moment to roll down my window to first check if he was first okay (he was) and to ask what was happening.
“Bomb threat!” He hollered back and Anita who was still on speaker phone had heard all she needed.
“BOMB THREAT!?! I DON’T CARE IF I HAVE TO PAY $20 TO PARK! I’M NOT GOING TO DIE HERE! I’LL JUST MEET YOU AT DISNEY!” And with that she abruptly hung up on me. I bid the man farewell and good luck and continued making my way through the throngs of people who had filled the parking lot in panic and chaos.
As the seconds turned into minutes the scene before me became more and more genuinely scary. It was truly like something out of a disaster movie. There were mothers running with children in their arms and tears in their eyes, couples holding hands while running, and plenty of solo individuals merely just fending for themselves. There were people everywhere I could see and no one was heading in the same direction. It was complete and total chaos unlike anything I have ever experienced before or since. Fortunately for me, I was already pretty near the mall exit, so I didn’t have to navigate through the turbulence nearly as much as I later learned Anita did, but still, the little bit I did have to drive through was increasingly stressful and truly quite scary.
I made my way to the Disneyland Resort Mickey and Friends parking structure where I parked and rode the tram to the main entrance plaza eagerly awaiting Anita’s arrival. Because she was much further into the mall parking area than I, she took quite a bit longer to escape the madness, but when she finally arrived we wasted no time rehashing all the details of the scene we just witnessed.
We decided that after the turbulent ordeal we just escaped it would be best to begin our night with a calming ride in hopes of easing our nerves. We both decided upon Pirates of the Caribbean, a decision that seemed like an excellent one at the time, but we would be greatly regretting an hour down the road.
As we waited in the brief line for Pirates, the group of people in front of us were talking about what was going on at the Santa Ana Mainplace mall. Anita and I shared with them that we had actually just come from there and described the chaos and how we heard it was a bomb threat. One of the guys from the group then proceeded show us a live news feed from a local television station where the reporter was reporting that a firearm had allegedly gone off near the movie theater inside, thereby sending everyone shopping into a panic.
After a couple more minutes in line discussing the sad situation at the mall, it was our turn to board the Pirates of the Caribbean boats. Anita and I were seated in the last row of our vessel. As our boat left the dock and traveled along the bayou waters, we continued to talk nonstop about the mall incident. We were so involved in our conversation that we failed to notice the fact that our boat had reached the part of the ride where it was to plunge down to the depths below, but on this particular voyage, wasn’t doing so. Our boat remained motionless in the water as the gates that open and close each time a boat roars down the slide continued to do just that, opening and closing, but we weren’t plunging.
Since Anita and I were in the final row of our boat we were the first to feel the crash of the boat behind us slamming into our rear end as we remained anchored in the waters. This abrupt rupture to our boat shook Anita and I out of our conversation coma and realized what was happening around us: a whole lot of nothing! We should have plunged to those depths minutes ago, but still even with more and more boats wrecking into those behind us, each sending a shock wave to ours, we weren’t going anywhere!
After a couple more minutes of this, two Cast Members emerged from the bricked archways and stood on either side of our boat. They inspected the situation and then told us that we would need to rock the boat down the slide. They had us all lean forward and backwards in unison over and over and over again. “HEAVE! HO!” We all yelled in unison as a dozen or so of us rocked our bodies to and fro in hopes of tipping our boat over the edge. We tried this for about two minutes and went no further than where we moored.
After our failure, one of those two Cast Members left and returned with two more Cast Members bringing their ranks to four in total. Two of them got into the water just behind Anita and I and told us all that once more we were going to rock ourselves back and forth only this time we would be assisted by their pushing and hopefully this would be enough to send us down the falls. Turns out that this was in fact the perfect combination and down the slide our boat finally went.
Pirates of the Caribbean is nearly a seven minute ride as is and our unfortunate plight added a solid fifteen or so minutes to our excursion, which normally, I would not mind something like this happening. When the lights came on we got to see things that one would never have seen otherwise, however, the dual stress from the mall madness and the seemingly anchored boat above was causing me to really have to pee. As our little boat traveled along the pirate infested waters my bladder was truly beginning to plunder my body.
My heartbeat is typically always the perfect rate when at Disney because it is genuinely perfect there, but on this particular occasion, it felt like it was going to jump right out my throat! I twisted and turned my body on our somewhat damp bench in the boat – damp from the water splashes from our dual plunges, NOT FROM MY URINES! Thankfully, Anita and I were the only two in our row, so I had plenty of room to spread my discomfort.
Anita took notice of all my squirming, so of course I shared with her my displeasure and while she was laughing, she was also hoping and praying that I didn’t pee my pants and spoil both our night and myself.
Unlike my poop, I can hold my urine for a fair amount of time, however, holding my pee for extended periods of time usually results in my bodily need to have to poop. I guess all that pressure from my bladder on my pooper just really makes me have to go and this became one of those dreadful moments. As our boat slowly glided along the channels beneath the surface, I was anxiously awaiting us to get to the conveyor belt that would bring us up to the main level. Once atop we would be near the docks where we could disembark and I could scurry off to the restroom, but much to my dismay, our boat ran into another line of boats just before conveyor.
The very sight of all these boats in the faux fiery final scene almost made me want to cry. I had only ever had to pee my pants this badly once before and it did not end well for me. As we idled there for a few moments I could feel my bodily doom coming over me. I was using every muscle available to hold my excretions in all while breathing heavily into my hoodie. I mean, this trick didn’t work in Melissa’s car the third time I pooped my pants, but I was praying with a little faith, trust, and pixie dust it just might there at Disney. No sooner did I feel that I was about to burst, our boat was being yanked up the conveyor to the docks. This knowledge brought a round of much needed stress relief and I was able to maintain my composure.
Once we docked and it came time for us to get off the boat I did so in such a hurry that I frightened the loading attendant as I literally ran through the corridors of the exit and into the New Orleans Square area of the park. Within a few seconds I was relieving myself in the luxury of the restroom and while my anus was inevitably quite vocal as it echoed throughout the restroom, I didn’t mind one bit. I would rather have everyone in there hear me making a mess than having witnessed me making a mess of my bottoms!
When I finally emerged from the restroom I found a hysterical Anita. She was laughing so hard at my discomfort, which to be fair, is always hilarious. We were both in complete disbelief at how this evening was playing out! Anything that could have gone wrong did go wrong! We decided that we were done with rides for the night and we would just stick to taking in the fireworks and other shows. At least with those we were free to move about if a bathroom break became necessary.
Further information came out about the incident at the Mainplace mall and it would turn out that a firearm was not actually ever fired, but someone pulled one out of their pocket in a threatening manner at another individual and the scene of the gun was what sent everyone into panic. Thankfully, no one was injured or killed in the event, but still, what a terribly scary scenario. It was unbelievable watching it unfold from the parking lot, so I cannot imagine what it was like witnessing it from the inside.
While it may have been awful to experience the discomfort of thinking I was going to pee all over myself while on Pirates, it was totally and completely worth it getting to see some of the behind-the-scenes sights when they had the lights on for that period of time. There are few things I love more in this world than getting to see just how Disney makes their magic, so this was truly a special moment for me. I just wish I wasn’t in such displeasure so I could have enjoyed it more, but nonetheless, it was totally worth it.
Well, as always, thank you all for reading! I will be back next week with another entry into my life, but until then, have THE BEST week ever!
