The Easter Plate

The post I had originally planned on sharing today was VASTLY different than the one you’re about to read and given that my next one will be a thrilling synopsis from our time at Bon Jovi, you might never see it, but let me assure you, this one here was just too good to passover.

Melissa and I spent Easter with my side of the family, going with my mom, brother, aunt, cousin, and grandma to my great aunt’s up near Springfield, Illinois. When Melissa and I got to my mom’s that late morning, so we could all carpool together, my brother was in his usual state of Chrisanity.

No, that’s not a misspelling of Christianity, it’s a combination of my brother’s name, Chris, and the word insanity. It’s the best way I can think of to describe his out-of-this-world behavior. If you know him, you know this works. If you don’t, I’ll do my best to ensure you understand by the end of this story. Or you can refer to this deleted chapter from my Chris-centric novel: The Breakfast Pan: An Omitted Shithead Story.

One thing that I think is important for me to notate about my relationship with my brother is that I view him as someone who possesses an astronomically high entertainment value. His is quite literally off-the-charts, HOWEVER, I traditionally find the most humor in his events LONG after they’ve happened or in the one’s I’m thankfully NOT apart of. Being there with him in the moment of the chaos is perhaps the most frustrating thing in the world for me. He brings out the absolute worst in me and after about two hours of non-stop Chris, I’m tapped out for a solid month.

The events of this Easter Sunday were no exception and when Melissa and I were reliving them in the car on the way home from my mom’s and laughing our asses off, I knew that I had a must share blog on my hands and one that needed to be written up right away!

After we arrived at my aunt’s house on Easter and shared our hugs and hellos with everyone already there, Melissa, Chris, and I settled into the dining room where my brother shared with us this preposterous story about some sort of pot drops he has that he likes to administer to whatever he’s eating or drinking so he can get high. Melissa and I, being uptight and much too good to ever do drugs, had no clue what he was talking about, so we listened with equal parts awe and disgust as he shared with us that he had brought this contraption with him, “just in case he needed it.” Lord, help him – and us.

Soon after the pot drops conversation winded down, my great aunt brought a basket of warm rolls to the table and asked us if we thought she needed to bring more to which I responded, “I wanna eat so many rolls I get a yeast infection.”

She was shook and just looked back at me without response, clearly not knowing how to respond, so I dissolved the bewilderment by adding, “yes, please bring more.”

My brother isn’t the only one in the family who can deliver jaw-dropping lines, plus, I just really love bread.

After a seemingly normal lunch, consisting of all the standard Easter fare, my great aunt’s and uncle’s all went outside to do an Easter egg hunt with lil’ Sean Paul, who gets full name recognition here for sharing his name with the Jamaican rapper and bonafide hitmaker who Melissa and I love and adore. Literally anytime Sean Paul jumps on a remix, that song instantly gets better. He’s just got the jams. Anyway, while they were all outside, Melissa, Chris, my mom, my aunt, my cousin, my grandma, and I all sat inside at that same dining room table and talked.

As the seven of us were talking, my great uncle came into the room and asked who owned the black minivan parked outside.

He was first met with absolute silence. The vehicle he was inquiring about was no doubt my mom’s, but I wasn’t going to answer him since I don’t own it. I was waiting on her to speak up.

My aunt spoke first, “I have the black Nissan Pathfinder out there, kind of looks like a van.”

“No, it’s not that,” my great uncle responded.

“Well, that’s probably my van then,” my mom finally answered.

“We found something outside on the ground by the van when we were doing the Easter egg hunt and I’m pretty sure you weren’t wanting it to be there,” my uncle said with a grin as he fidgeted his right hand behind his back. He was clearly holding onto something.

Oh, God. Lil’ Sean Paul found my brother’s pot drops was the first thing that came to my mind. I looked at Melissa and could tell she had arrived at the same conclusion.

After an elongated pause that filled everyone at the table with suspense and anticipation, my uncle pulled out an aluminum foil wrapped plate from behind his back, which caused my brother to erupt in hysterical laughter and the rest of us to all focus on him.

“Christopher, what the hell is that?” My mom asked with a laugh and by this time, several other family members had joined us all in the dining room.

Despite continuing to laugh, my brother managed to answer my mom, “that’s the plate I made for George that I’m going to bring back to him.”

“Oh, I’ve heard about George,” my great aunt chimed in.

“Not from me!” I rebutted quickly, causing Melissa and I to both erupt with our own bout of laughter.

“George is just this guy that I work with at the wood shop,” my brother said to all the confused faces. “He didn’t have anywhere to go for Easter, so I thought I’d bring him a plate of home cooked food. I didn’t want to put it in the van, so I left it outside on the ground by the tire in the shade.”

“Christopher, what the hell is the matter with you?” My mom appropriately asked while the rest of us just chuckled away in amazement. “The van was unlocked, so why didn’t you put it inside? What if some bugs or animals would’ve gotten that plate?”

“No bugs or animals were gonna get in that plate, mom,” Chris responded so assuringly. “It’s an Easter plate.”

“Christopher, what am I going to do with you?” My mom asked for the umpteenth time in her life as we all just shook our heads and laughed at the wonderment of my brother’s Chrisanity.

As always, THANK YOU so much for reading! I appreciate you greatly! Please feel free to leave me a comment below as you know I LOVE reading and responding to them! I’ll be back next week with a recap of Bon Jovi – which I’M SO EXCITED for – so until then, I wish you all, all the best!