Ben & Melissa Get Goosed!

The other night, Melissa and I had some friends over to watch one of our all-time favorite movies, Sacha Baron Cohen’s comedic masterpiece, Brüno. While we were all laughing our asses off – sans Nancy who pretends to detest this legendary film despite her innate ability to quote nearly the entire thing – I started to reflect on the first time Melissa and I ever attempted to watch this movie. Now, obviously one doesn’t ever need a reason to travel down memory road, but God knows right now I certainly have one. So I allowed my mind to wander back to one of the most Ben and Melissa moments ever.

It was the summer of 2009 and Melissa and I went to see Brüno out at what was our favorite movie theater at the time, Wehrenberg Galaxy 14 in Chesterfield, Missouri. We stopped off at Chesterfield Mall beforehand, which back in 2009 was all hustle and bustle. We parked outside our beloved Macy’s and did some shopping in there (I’m sure Melissa added to her Kathy Van Zeeland handbag collection that night), then went and had dinner at our other beloved, The Cheesecake Factory. Brüno started sometime in the 9:00 hour, so just before then we went back to Club Aurora, which was the name we gave Melissa’s Oldsmobile Aurora, in hopes of jetting off down I-64 to see our man, Sacha.

Well, funny thing happened, when Melissa tried to start up old Club Aurora, sweet girl wouldn’t ignite. Melissa proceeded to try time and time again, but she just wouldn’t start. Melissa then popped the hood and the two of us went to look underneath. Rest assured, I knew and know nothing about cars, so consider me useless on this front. Melissa, however, is somewhat versed in auto mechanics and was able to deduce that her battery was dead. Oof.

Since 2022, Melissa and I have been obsessed with that now-iconic-in-our-house clip of Miss Juicy Baby saying to Miss Minnie, “What the hell we gon’ do now?” Had we of known that incredible line back in 2009 out at the Macy’s parking lot at Chesterfield Mall, you can guarantee we would’ve been saying it over and over again.

To answer Miss Juicy Baby’s looming question though, we found ourselves with no other choice, we had to call a tow truck. Because this was 2009 and we didn’t have iPhone’s that would allow us to search the information up ourselves, Melissa had to first call her dad to find us some Chesterfield area tow truck provider’s phone numbers out of the phone book. Feels like the dark ages typing that last sentence and it was just fifteen years ago! My how times have changed. Anyway, the first number he gave us was for a place called Tyark’s Towing, which we promptly called and were informed we’d be rescued and taken back to Edwardsville in just under a hour.

We sat there in a powerless Club Aurora with the doors wide open, this was summertime after all, and it was hot! We needed air flow somehow and this was the only way! We got out my iPod Classic and each of us took an ear bud and proceeded to watch one of the television episodes I had downloaded to it, the Mama’s Family Christmas episode, “Mama Gets Goosed!”

Now if you know me, I love television shows about old women. I standby this statement: The Golden Girls is the single greatest triumph in television history. No other show even comes close. Mama’s Family probably comes in at #3 for me, right behind Gossip Girl. Mama Harper just has that beautifully abrasive personality that I relate to so well. I just love her. She’s hilarious and heartfelt, yet direct and dynamic. Her zany family just ups the hilarity and each one of those six seasons is better than the last. Having that episode downloaded to that iPod Classic was a real blessing that night let me tell you. It was obviously no Brüno, but given our circumstances, Mama really pulled through for us.

As we sat there laughing ourselves silly with beads of summery sweat dripping down our faces, we were joined by mall security who came over to see what in the world we were doing long after everyone else had vacated the parking lot. We shared with him how our car wouldn’t start and a tow truck was coming to rescue us, but in the interim, we were just enjoying ourselves a little Mama’s Family. He went on about how he too loved that show and the three of us shared a real moment because of it. It was lovely.

Mall security soon left us to finish the episode, but had stayed just long enough that by the time it was over, Tyark’s Towing had arrived to rescue us. We didn’t even get to play Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out For A Hero” as originally discussed because his timing was too perfect!

After the tow truck driver hitched old Club Aurora to his tow, Melissa and I climbed inside and the three of us set off for Edwardsville, Illinois. For those that may not be familiar, Chesterfield, Missouri and Edwardsville, Illinois are about forty-five miles apart. This wasn’t going to be a quick jaunt by any means, but at least a solid hour of our lives. Thankfully though, the driver was awesome and our good conversation was plentiful. Turns out he too was a Mama’s Family man and we shared plenty of laughs discussing the hilariousness of that show. He also shared with us how often people who are drunk call him to pick them and their car’s up to get home. I’ll just never forget that because I thought it was an incredibly clever and responsible way to ensure one got home safely.

Turning on the off-ramp, we eased up to the red stop light in the left of the two lanes and ahead Melissa and I could see a car we recognized sitting patiently at the light in the right lane. The tow truck driver pulled up right next to this car and Melissa and I looked down to see our co-worker, Matt, looking back up at us, incredibly without any notable expression on his face. Matt gave us a head nod as we waved and laugh smiled back at him before the light turned green and we set off in our individual directions.

Now I don’t know how, but if I was Matt, I would’ve been howling with laughter. I mean, because we are us, we were howling with laughter! Seeing us in a tow truck with Club Aurora and her dangling mirror flopping around inside her cabin as she’s hooked up like that caused us plenty of laughter on the way over. Now seeing our coworker just really upped the ante of hilarity. We couldn’t stop laughing at our situation, but Matt never so much as cracked a smile. Later that next week at work he went on to tell us he’d been in our position before, so he understood how badly it sucked. I mean, it wasn’t ideal by any means, after all, we missed seeing Brüno on opening night, but I think we definitely made the best of our crazy circumstances.

The night wasn’t over yet, once we got Club Aurora back to Melissa’s parents house, Melissa had to borrow her mom’s car to go to the ATM to withdraw cash to pay this gentleman. As she did so, he and I were left standing in the alleyway as Club Aurora remained hung up behind us. We just continued to talk about whatever, but it felt much longer standing there outside like that then it did riding over.

When Melissa finally returned and paid him, he lowered Club Aurora down and left the old girl parked peacefully in the driveway before setting back off for Chesterfield. We thanked him extensively for coming to our rescue and wished him all the best. He was great and I still have his contact information saved in my phone in the event we ever need it again. Then, poor Melissa, had to take me back to my parent’s in Maryville in her mom’s car before she could even wrap her night up! As the man who teaches Brüno self defense said, “that’s just totally different than whatever I’ve tried to work with” and that’s a perfect description of our night. Totally different, but eternally memorable, much like Brüno the movie film itself.

As always, THANK YOU so much for viewing! I appreciate you all greatly! Feel free to leave me a comment below as I love reading and responding to them! I’ll return soon with another all-new post, so until then, I wish you all, all the best!