It’s Britney Bitch

Back at the end of April when I decided I was going to start a blog and began telling anyone and everyone who would listen about my new artistic venture I had a lot of scornful people say the exact same thing to me: how much can you possibly blog about Disneyland and Britney Spears? 

I found this remark to be rude as fuck each time I heard it because I strongly believe that I carry myself as such where there should have been no doubt about my ability to EXCLUSIVELY blog about Disneyland and Britney Spears!  It honestly makes me sick that anyone had the audacity to call into question just how much I could write about these two topics.  Just like our universe, my love for both is ever expanding, so for anyone to question that love was just plain wrong.

Well, given that the audience for such postings would be quite limited and I was hoping for more readers than just my wife, I opted to steer my blog in its current direction and in the process somehow managed to avoid dedicating an entire body of work to either aforementioned topic. 

That all changes now though and with the third anniversary of the most important day in my life having passed last month, I thought it was time to write a post about the woman I love most and y’all should already know that it’s Britney Bitch.

On Monday November 9, 2015 I was taking an afternoon nap at my California home in Temecula.  Very rarely do I ever nap, but I am beyond thankful I did that particular day because the rush of waking up to nearly a hundred Twitter notifications was asocial media excitement I haven’t felt since. I will never forget thinking Melissa,what in the world did you tag me in? when I first saw my phone, but I soon discovered it was not Melissa at all.  In fact, she had not yet even seen all the buzz surrounding my Twitter feed and would not learn of my momentous occasion till I picked up the phone some short time later and called to share this miracle tweet with her.  Britney Spears dog, Hannah Spears, tweeted me and two others saying that if we gave her a follow, her mommy would send us each something special.

THIS MEANT THAT BRITNEY SPEARS HERSELF WAS GOING TO BE SENDING ME SOMETHING SPECIAL! 

I must have read Hannah’s short tweet fifty times and each consecutive read resulted in another tear running down my face and my heart beating a little bit faster.  This was one of those surreal moments that you wait your entire life for but never expect to actually happen.  Out of her billions of admirers Britney had noticed me and wanted to send me something special!  It was more than I was able to comprehend.  I would have almost of thought it all a dream within a dream, but I will never be able to forget the accompaniment of tweets that followed Hannah’s.

By the time I had awaken from my slumber I had dozens of supportive messages from other fans all ridiculously excited for whatever it was that Britney was going to be sending my way.  These tweets of excitement continued to fly in for the next several hours and with each one I was reminded that the best had yet to come. 

This support system is one of the greatest assets to being a soldier in the Britney Army.  Everyone is wildly supportive of one another and people all across the world happily celebrate alongside you whenever you have been touched by the grace of Godney.  I will never forget how blessed I felt that so many from all around the world reached out in congratulations on behalf ofHannah’s tweet.

Naturally, I spent the remainder of that day sharing the news of Hannah’s tweet with everyone I knew and when she slid into my direct messages the following day, I about died all over again.  Hannah asked for my mailing address, so her mommy could mail me something special.  I remember my hands shaking as I typed my reply. I didn’t care if Britney Spears mailed me a blank envelope with nothing but a stamp on it!  The fact she was going to be mailing me anything at all was beyond anything I could have imagined!

Thirteen has always been my favorite number, so when Britney’s surprise arrived to my house that week on Friday the 13^th it felt like all the stars had aligned in my favor.  Quite regrettably, I was at work when the postman delivered the mail, but my California dad, Mark, text me a picture of a brown envelope addressed to me.  I honestly must have looked at that picture more than a hundred times over the course of that shift.

I recall that night being torturous.  Macy’s had extended hours that weekend and I was the closing manager on duty meaning I would be the last one out the door.  It was excruciating having to suffer through work knowing Britney’s letter was waiting on me at home.  If there had been another manger closing with me I sure as shit would have rolled up outta there to go get Britney’s letter, but alas, this was not the case and I was forced to play the waiting game.  Nonetheless, I made the most of my dire situation by parading my news around the store. Not a soul working that evening was unaware of the miracle mail that awaited me at home.

Escondido was forty minutes from Temecula, so my drive was substantial, but for whatever awful reason I did not get home till after 1:30 in the morning on Saturday the 14^th! I know this because the time stamp on the picture I took of Britney’s card reads 1:41 a.m.

Despite it being nearly two in the morning I had the energy level of it being two in the afternoon. The only way I can describe the feeling of opening Britney’s letter is to compare it to the feeling of being at one of her shows.  Attending Britney Spears live is as close as any of us will ever get to Heaven on Earth! 

In that moment I could feel the adrenaline movin’ through my veins, a spotlight on me and I was ready to break, I was a performer and the kitchen floor was my stage!  Through a waterfall of tears I repeatedly fist-pumped the air and danced around the kitchen island jubilantly all with my perfect letter in hand.  I had to keep my noise level down but I wanted to scream out at the top of my lungs how happy I was in that moment!  I have never been happier in my entire life than I was reading Britney’s handwritten letter for the first time.  No other feeling I have ever experienced comes even close to receiving a handwritten letter from my idol, literally nothing.

Britney’s letter read:

Hi Ben –

            You are an inspiring person!  I love that you always have such a positive attitude, and are constantly working hard towards your goals and having fun too.  Can’t wait to see you become a best-selling author one day.  I’m sure I will be one of the first in line to get your book!

            I want to invite you to bring your incredible energy to Vegas for a show next year!

            Can’t wait to see you in 2016!

            Love Britney

Tears and goosebumps, am I right!?!

After I read it several times to myself I phoned Melissa and read it aloud to her.  It was 4:00 in the morning St. Louis time, but that didn’t stop Melissa from collapsing down onto her kitchen floor and sobbing hysterically as I did the same on my kitchen floor in California.  We were two kindred spirits connected by the bond of Britney. After reading and rereading it to Melissa over and over I had to let her go and wallow in her tears of happiness because I had one more call to make.

I did not care that it was now 4:30 in the morning I had to call my mom and tell her.  I had spent every day since the fall of 1998 talking about Britney and my mom’s ears were lucky enough to hear many of those conversations, so to not call and share this moment with her would have made me a crazy person. 

When she first answered the phone she automatically assumed something was wrong, so I quickly assured her that not only was nothing wrong,but everything was more perfect that perfect. She was in disbelief that I would call her and tell her at that hour about Britney’s letter, but her reaction left me in disbelief that she thought for a moment I would have waited till daybreak! When true miracles happen – like receiving a letter from the one and only Britney Spears – you have to tell anyone and everyone you can without delay.  My California family should be thankful I didn’t start banging on pots and pans and calling everyone downstairs!  It crossed my mind a couple times, but I thought it best to not disturb the peace. I did enough of that in normal hours, I didn’t need to start doing it in the non-traditional ones too.

Regardless of how late I got home I had to be back at work the next morning to open the store.  This was no big deal, whatever, but I was on such an adrenaline high, I don’t know if I caught any sleep that night.  I remember hosting the daily store morning meeting and reading my letter aloud to the fifty or so people before me. Everyone was so supportive and happy that it was without a doubt one of our best rallies to date.  I was so energized by Britney that it was infectious amongst my constituents.  That was one of the best workdays I ever had at that store and everyone was lovin’ the good vibes.

Like anything positive at that place this too was short-lived.  Following the conclusion of the weekend, our store manager returned to work on Monday and when she learned of my reading at the rally she was less than thrilled.  She scolded me and like the energy vampire she was, attempted to drain all the happiness about my letter from me.  Joke was on her though, I could never lose sight of the happiness that Britney brings me. Hell, it was what powered me through most days at that store!  This woman was an awful, awful individual.  In addition to her hatred of anything good and decent, she once told me in one of our one-on-one leadership meetings that Céline Dion was trapped in a loveless marriage.  It took every ounce of will power I had not to climb across her desk and choke her.  That was when I started looking for new employment opportunities.  There was no way in Hell I could continue working for someone who had such nasty thoughts floating around their brain.

As stated in Britney’s letter I got tickets to see her Piece of Me show in Vegas, so Melissa and I went on Valentine’s Day 2016.  It was that night during Britney’s performance as Melissa and I sang, danced, and cried that I realized I was sharing this moment with the woman I needed to marry.  No one else I ever crossed paths with loved Britney as much as me, so I needed to make sure she didn’t become the one that got away and yeah, three months later we were engaged.

So, that’s the story of how I received a handwritten letter from the one and only, Britney Spears. Until the day I meet her I cannot imagine experiencing a greater moment in life.

In wrapping this up I wanted to share with you all my five favorite Britney songs and the memories that surround those hits.  Britney has not only conceived some of the greatest songs in history, but she has performed the soundtrack to my life.  I can place where I was and what I was doing at the exact moment of each of her singles release.  Her music and my life experiences go hand in hand.

5.  Lucky (2000) – I remember watching MTV’sMaking The Video for this at my grandpa’s house with him, my mom, and my brother and forcing us all to finish the episode before we could leave to go get lunch.  I would rather starve that miss Britney.  This was true in 2000 and this is still true in 2018.  This song now makes me super sad because of how prophetic it turned out to be for her.  I hear this song entirely different now thanI did in the summer between eighth grade and freshman year when it was dominating the airwaves.

4.  Gimme More (2007) – this song is such a favorite that Melissa and I chose it to kick-off our wedding.  It was important for us that we selected a song that best represented who we were as a couple and given that the opening line announces, “It’s Britney Bitch!”we knew there was no jam more fitting. The wedding party, our ordained facilitator, and myself all walked down the garden aisle as Britney’s pulsating beats blasted throughout the garden for all two hundred sixty of our guests to hear. Such a beautiful memory tied to such a beautiful song.

3.  Stronger (2000) – my favorite memory for this jam would be the snafu that happened with Melissa’s sister Katie’s homecoming coronation walk down.  Katie had selected K-Ci and JoJo’s All My Life,but the DJ played Britney’s Stronger and announced it as if this was the song it was meant to be all along.  Katie was pissed, but I could not have been happier with the mix-up.  Additionally,this empowerment anthem and the next selection are the two songs that dominate my workouts.  I would say that half of all the music I have ever listened to while working out has been either this song or… 

2.  Hold It Against Me (2011) – like I was saying, I can go hard to this song when working out.  I put this jam or Stronger on repeat and next thing I know I just finished two miles on the treadmill.  NO ONE gets my blood movin’ better than Britney!  Also, this music video is amazing.  I remember suffering through my only episode of JerseyShore ever to catch MTV’s primetime world premiere!  The music video was so redeeming I didn’t even mind sitting through that trashy show!

1.  I’m A Slave 4 U (2001) – this song reminds me of high school.  It was released in the fall semester of my sophomore year and I believe I listened to it everyday till graduation.  I remember when we were selling my grandpa’s house here in Cutesville and I was downstairs cleaning the basement and this jam came on the radio.  It made an awful day awesome and completely turned the beat around on my willingness to get the job done.  Britney has always had a way of popping up unexpectedly in my life whenever I was in need of her most and for this I am eternally thankful.

Well, as always, thank you all for reading!  I apologize for the month long hiatus.  I have had quite a bit going on that prevented me from my writing, but with a couple future posts already written,we should be good through the New Year! See you all soon, but until then, live your best life ever!