Cry

Just this morning I took my could be nephew, Daniel, to go see Disney’s live-action “Aladdin,” so that he could experience the film in all its shining, shimmering, and splendid glory because this movie truly deserves to be seen in on the big screen. Naturally, he loved it as I knew he would and although this was my fourth time watching it, I have to say, I somehow managed to fall even more in love.

As I sat there this morning watching the film I did so through a thinly veiled glaze of tears over my eyes. I have such a deep and spiritual connection to the original animated “Aladdin” because its soundtrack was the very first CD I ever owned and I can remember listening to it religiously when I was young.

I vividly recall lying there on my grandparents living room floor night after night with my ear phones on just listening to the soundtrack play as I looked up and watched whatever it was they had on television. What we were watching didn’t matter because all I cared about was the incredible music being blasted into my brain.

Watching “Aladdin” when I was younger was a much different experience for me than it is watching it now. I never use to cry at anything when I was little, but now that narrative has shifted – quite greatly – I might add. We watched the animated original a week or so before the live-action remake debuted and I got two hearty cries out of it. Then when we went to see the new “Aladdin” I ended up crying on NINE separate occasions.

When I shared with my co-workers how I cried nine times in “Aladdin” they all just laughed and shook their heads, you cried nine times? they all said in disbelief and bewilderment. Then after the initial conversation of how a grown ass man cried nine times in “Aladdin” one of them posed the question that got me thinking that maybe a lot of other people wonder this too: why do I cry so much?

Well, surely this answer will surprise no one, but it’s entirely because of Céline Dion.

In the summer of 2011 when Melissa and I were in Las Vegas seeing Céline there was a moment that changed my life forever. As Melissa and I stood there singing along with every word from the fourth row, Céline took notice and smiled and waved right at us. That act of kindness was everything to me. In that instant I broke down and started sobbing and I haven’t really quit crying since. To answer everyone’s next question: yes, I know for a fact that Céline was smiling and waving at us because we were quite literally the only two people standing in our vicinity and we made perfect eye contact with her. There is no disputing that beautiful moment.

This was my third time seeing Céline live, but it felt like the first. Out of thousands of people in the Caesar’s Palace Colosseum that night Céline took a moment to recognize us. SHE SMILED AND WAVED RIGHT AT US! That instantly became the greatest moment of my life and remained so for several years until I received my handwritten letter from Britney Spears, which also brought about a flood of tears and left me wailing on the kitchen floor in my California home at midnight as I read it over and over again, but that story I’ve already told (see It’s Britney Bitch).

I look to that moment with Céline as an awakening. She released something inside of me that I never realized was within. As I stood there amongst thousands in the Colosseum balling my eyes out I didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, but rather proud and strong, like I was on top of the world. It was an unrivaled experience that completely revolutionized the way in which I live my life.

Society wants us – ESPECIALLY MEN – to feel that it is unacceptable to cry. It often makes others feel uncomfortable and because we shun the emotion so many of us do not know how to properly react to it. There are obviously many different reasons why people cry, but we seem to degrade them all. Crying is largely viewed as a weak emotion that one should solely do in private. I do not agree with this at all and have absolutely no problem letting my emotions flow anywhere I might be.

Obviously, there is the example of me crying nine times in “Aladdin.” People definitely took notice of me blowing my nose at the tail end of each of those sobs, but there were several other wet eyes in the theater as well, so in this event the emotion was almost acceptable. The other night though when I was at dinner alone and started crying from reading an article about how a sixth child has died in the concentration camps at our southern border would be a better example of when the emotion was shunned.

I tried to be discreet with my tears as not to disturb the other diners, but when the gentleman came by to clean up my plate, he was immediately caught off guard by my reddened, tear-infested face. He reacted cautiously yet kindly, but it was apparent he was most uncomfortable. I don’t blame him, it was surely a surprise, but I felt the need to justify myself, so I pointed to the headline of the article on my phone and he then nodded sadly and quickly left me be.

While I did try and face the wall the entire time I sat there crying in the restaurant, I did so not because I didn’t want others to see me crying, but because I didn’t want their pity for it would have been incredibly ill-placed. Don’t pity me for weeping for this little girl, but pity her and those like her who have been viciously imprisoned by the heinous Trump administration. This could be a whole separate blog, but plain and simple, imprisoning these people in the inhumane conditions our government has is not only wrong, but unAmerican and I cannot help but be empathetic.

People seem to think that when one cries it is because they have no control over their emotions, but I actually feel like I cry because I am not only in control of my emotions, but more importantly, I am in touch with them. I often feel that crying is the only appropriate response to certain situations, songs, or visuals. For me, crying is a peak emotion, not a weak emotion. When something grand occurs in life or art that elicits such a grandiose response crying is my go too.

I will cry in both happy and sad situations and yet again “Aladdin” is the perfect example of this. I cry in the beginning of the film because everyone wants to count Aladdin out, call him a street rat, tell him that in death only his fleas will mourn him, and he feels trapped in this way of life. I feel a great deal of empathy for him and his situation, but later in the movie, I cry from complete happiness as Aladdin uses his third wish to free Genie. This film so perfectly covers both ends of my crying spectrum that I feel completely whole watching it.

So, while many of you reading this like to chide me (and Melissa) for being in touch with our emotions, I think that your energies would be better placed seeing Céline live this fall as she heads out on her North American tour. For maybe you too will be so lucky as to have her notice you and allow your emotional barriers to come tumbling down.

As always, thank you ALL for reading and I will be back next week with another entry! I did, however, want to share with you all the top five movies and songs that always – without fail – make me cry.

Movies: Disney’s Pocahontas, Finding Neverland, Titanic, Disney/Pixar’s Coco, and My Sister’s Keeper.

Music: Phil Collins, You’ll Be In My Heart; Céline Dion, How Does A Moment Last Forever (and honestly, so many others, but this one guts me); Carrie Underwood, Temporary Home (and like a lesser-Céline, she has several others); Ed Sheeran, The a Team; and the Spice Girls, Goodbye.