Reflection

Needless to say, when Disney started feverishly adapting their animated masterpieces into live-action films, I was beside myself with excitement for the results of each individual one. I mean, how could I not be!?! Many of these films make up the very foundational bedrock of my cinematic livelihood. Now that we’re roughly a dozen or so movies into Disney’s remake revolution, I think it’s time to step back and look at the results we’ve been given thus far from the House of Mouse.

Disney’s latest live-action remake, Mulan, should have hit theaters back in March, however, the Coronavirus pandemic swept the world and as a result, Disney released it to their Disney+ streaming service this September. Honestly, Disney should be beyond thankful this happened the way in which it did, now the world will never truly know what a box office bomb Mulan would inevitably have turned out to be.

I found only two redeeming things about Mulan. First, I have to hand it to the cast and their incredible acting skills. They were given an absolute dumpster fire of a script, so the fact that they all gave solid performances really stands as a testament to each of their own individual acting abilities. Secondly, Christina Aguilera and her two contributions to the soundtrack. She gives us a brand new song, Loyal, Brave, True, which I love and then an updated remake of Reflection, her own signature hit from the 1998 animated original. Her vocals soar on both, but the Reflection remake adds a few tears to my eyes when she hits the power note in the final moments of the song.

Outside of those two highlights, the film was one dumb scene after the next. Everything that made the original so endearing and powerful was completely erased from this live-action adaptation. Keeping it real, it was some of the most bizarre shit I’d ever watched.

So much in this new one just made zero sense. Mulan and her family live in an apartment complex versus on a farm, which begs the question how in the world did none of their neighbors not notice she had gone off to war in her father’s place for several months while her father was most clearly still at home!?! Dumb. Such an unnecessary change.

THEN speaking of the war – where in the world was Shan Yu and the Mongolian Huns!?! Instead of climbing over the Great Wall of China like we saw in the opening sequence of the animated original, we get some who the hell cares!?! story about some Middle Easterners who are disrupting trade along the spice routes! THE SPICE ROUTES!!! WHAT!?! Dumb.

The war is the main event at the heart of the story, but I’m not even going to get into my disgust with how they revised the epic avalanche scene. The new version of events is so bad and so unbelievably dumb that even just thinking about it now pisses me off.

I knew going into it that the musical numbers had all been cut and I was okay with that because I had also read that they represented the old songs in the score. Well, we get a little bit of the Honor To Us All and Reflection, but that’s pretty much it. I’ll Make A Man Out Of You – which is arguably the best song from Mulan – is completely gone, but given the fact that the true villain in the new film is masculinity, this sadly makes sense.

I wouldn’t have been bothered in the least if they would have showcased how toxic masculinity is the true villain in a patriarchal society, but instead, they took it too far. In fear of losing their male audience with such an alienating idea at the forefront of the movie, they give us these long-winded battle scenes where we get far too much grunting and sword-clanging. Certain battles felt as though they might never end, it was exhausting and insulting. Not to mention the worst of it all! Mulan does EVERYTHING she does in the new film for the approval of her father (a man) and the Emperor (another man)! WHAT!?! How in the world can they make masculinity the film’s true villain when the heroine does EVERYTHING for the approval of two men!?! The idea itself wasn’t offensive, it was the sloppy execution that pissed me off.

There were PLENTY of other dumb things about Mulan, but the aforementioned ones were the most upsetting. I couldn’t believe how much I hated this movie. I was beside myself with excitement before we actually sat down to watch it, but it only took me about three minutes to realize this was NOT going to be the Mulan I was expecting.

I will never forget watching Mulan over Labor Day Weekend from the comfort of my living room with my near and dear friends Kamber and Nancy and my wife, Melissa, and Nancy being the only one who didn’t feel like she was on an episode of Candid Camera! The rest of us hated it! Nancy’s just more tolerable of shitty things I suppose. I have so many memories tied to seeing these films in theaters and I can’t wait to share a snippet of those with you all in each review.

The Lion King: AWFUL! I understand the filmmakers yearning to add something new to the story, but I wish this live-action adaptation would’ve just been a shot-for-shot remake of the animated one, much in the same way the opening scene of Circle of Life was. Instead we get this stupid backstory about Scar and Sarabi (Simba’s mom/Mufasa’s wife), a truly offensive, never-should-have-been-made version of Be Prepared, and a wealth of dead-on-arrival jokes that just weren’t doing it for me. Also, I hated what a brat young Simba was. I found myself rooting for the Hyenas to eat him! The whole movie just pisses me off. Should’ve never been made. Makes me even more mad that it grossed like 1.6 BILLION at the global box office! Hopefully all that money was from first-timers because SHAME ON ANYONE who went and saw this shit more than once! Saw it at the Cutesville Cineplex with a handful of my near and dear friends and Melissa and Nancy were the only two who thought it was truly good. (See, what did I tell you about Nancy liking shitty things!?!)

Aladdin: PERFECT! My fifth favorite film of ALL time! The new additions to the story were woven in seamlessly and the cast was phenomenal. I cried NINE TIMES the first half dozen times I watched it! Now I’m at about a half dozen. My heart just about explodes each time Aladdin and Jasmine sing the word “feelings” together during A Whole New World! Suffice it to say, I cry through that entire scene, but when Aladdin uses his third wish to set Genie free at the end and then Jasmine goes to get her man right after. Lord, keep the tissues nearby because I’m like a fountain in those final moments! This movie just makes my heart so full of happiness and hope and I love EVERYTHING about it! Saw this with the same group of people we saw The Lion King with and I remember Nicole, Melissa, Erin, and I all still having tears in our eyes as we left the theater! Not to mention the fact that I will forever credit this film for being the reason why Ricardo evolved from just a mere acquaintance to one of my absolute best friends.

Dumbo: AWESOME! Tim Burton is my favorite director and he did the original justice. It had just the right amount of dark and weirdness to not deviate too far from the magic of the animated classic. The cast was all superb with Michael Keaton being a true standout as the villain. The ending makes me so incredibly happy and I cry about four times throughout the course of the film. Definitely one that I could alternate between the animated and the live-action with. Melissa and I saw this at the Cutesville Cineplex with both our moms and niece and no one else was crying like crazy like Melissa and I were. They were looking at the two of us like we were out of our minds, but we were looking back at them thinking the same! HOW DID THEY NOT CRY AT THE SERIES OF BEAUTIFUL EVENTS THAT HAD JUST UNFOLDED BEFORE ALL OUR EYES!?!

Lady and the Tramp: CUTE! Honestly, the animated original was never one of my favorites, not to say I disliked it, but it was just like whatever for me. I enjoyed this one though. Cried a little in the end, but overall loved the story and found myself laughing out loud a handful of times. Definitely a cute and true-to-the-original remake. Like Mulan, we watched from the comfort of our own home since this was another Disney+ exclusive.

Beauty and the Beast: WONDERFUL! Do I love it as much as the animated original? No, definitely not, but that isn’t to say I don’t love the remake. I think the cast was phenomenal and the expansion of certain elements of the story were spot on for me. The musical numbers were all excellent and the visual effects were outstanding. I absolutely hated the way in which they made Gaston die, but that was a minor irritation overall. PLUS! Céline Dion’s new song for the soundtrack, How Does A Moment Last Forever, immediately became my go-to for crying song. As soon as those first notes start my eyes fill up like water in a tub. Yet another musical masterpiece by the greatest singer in the world! I took my California brothers and sister (the triplets) to see this one evening after a day full of turmoil and trauma and the four of us had a wonderful time with a perfect cinematic escape from an often harsh reality.

The Jungle Book: MESMERIZING! I heard almost right after the film came out and grossed nearly a billion dollars worldwide we’d be getting a sequel, but Disney certainly seems to be taking their time on this. The visual effects were mind-blowing considering EVERYTHING was green-screened except young actor, Neel Sethi, who played Mowgli! He did an incredible job on set and overall, this is definitely one of Disney’s BEST live-action remakes. I literally love everything about it! Three of my friends from Macy’s Escondido came up to Temecula where during dinner one of them had a “family emergency” (I put it in quotes because the scenario was nonsensical at best), so because of this “emergency” she felt like she had to leave right then and there. This gave my would-be Best Man the opportunity to play the hero card he loved playing so much, so since he drove the three of them up, they all left. Needless to say, I stuck to our original plans and went and saw the movie anyway. This caused a “I can’t believe you went and saw that movie on your own when we were all supposed to go see it together” conversation with my would-be Best Man, but what in the world!?! Why should I cancel my plans because they chose to cancel theirs!?! Not happening. This argument spilt some of the first drops of Bad Blood between my old friend and I. Good Lord did we have some dumb fights with this obviously being no exception.

Cinderella: BEAUTIFUL! The sets and the costumes were the true stars of this adaptation. The Evil Stepmother’s wardrobe alone was quite the scene stealer, but when you put Cate Blanchett underneath those dresses you get the perfect combination of timeless wickedness. Helena Bonham Carter’s turn as the Fairy Godmother was another perfectly cast role. Her rendition of Bibbibi-Bobbidi-Boo is definitely my go-to version for any Disney playlist! I really found this entire movie to be incredibly enchanting and it just so happened to be the first of what has since become MANY movies I’ve seen with the tripletes. We also went to Get Air Trampoline Park and the beach on this day and even now I find myself incapable of watching this movie without thinking of how perfect that entire day was.

Maleficent: WHAT IN THE CRAP WAS THIS!?! Never should have been made. Maleficent is supposed to be the Mistress of all Evil (don’t even get me started on that atrocious sequel they gave us with this “franchise”), instead we get this heroine version where she was just misunderstood and everyone else was a villain and she actually loved Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) and blah, blah, blah. I hated it! Disney can’t parade her around in her own movies like a hero and then use her in all their park advertising and such as the queen of mean! CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS DISNEY! Abolish this franchise because it’s a dumpster fire. I pray they don’t make a third installment, but I imagine given the revenue these two films generated for them we’ll have a third one forced upon us, but I don’t expect it to be anything but crap. Saw it at the Cutesville Cineplex and not even that enchanting lil’ theater could save me from how awful this film was.

Alice in Wonderland: ENCHANTING! While this wasn’t necessary a remake as much as a kind of sequel or continuation I still found this to be an incredibly enjoyable cinematic experience. I even really liked the sequel they gave us with Through The Looking Glass. It’s been quite a while since I’ve watched this, so I definitely need to go back, but I definitely think this is a solid film through and through. I have no original memories tied to this film! Does this mean I’m getting old!?! It only came out ten years ago!

We also have films like Christopher Robin and Pete’s Dragon that are remake/live-action adaptations of past Disney classics, but I’ve never seen the original Pete’s Dragon (LOVE the new one though) and there are so many incarnations of Winnie the Pooh and friends that Christopher Robin was really just an expansion of the brand. Note: I also LOVED Christopher Robin! Definitely put some good vibes in my soul and some tears in my eyes!

Disney needs to hit the brakes on their remake revolution and take a good long look at their Reflection – if you will – because there is no reason why these beloved animated films should get a live-action makeover and end up looking like absolute crap. With a multitude of remakes on the horizon, I find myself hoping and praying that the finished products arrives looking much more like another Aladdin than another Mulan.

As always, THANK YOU so much for reading! Which of these live-action adaptations is your favorite? Did you think Mulan was a complete and total garbage fest like me or did you somehow actually enjoy it? PLEASE let me know below with a comment! I LOVE reading them and ALWAYS reply! I’ll (hopefully) be back next week with another all new blog, so until then, have THE BEST week ever!