Greg the Animal

Many moons ago, in the short period of time after I graduated university and before I moved to California, Melissa and I would regularly play tennis in the Disneyland of Illinois, Wilson Park.

Now do understand that when I say we played tennis, what I really mean is that we used tennis rackets to hit a tennis ball back and forth as many times as we were able. Sometimes we’d make it as high as six hits before one of us would fumble! Oh, those were the days! What great exercise we were generating for ourselves!

Well, on one such tennis playing evening, our friend’s Marcus and Ashley joined us for a game of doubles. This was truly exciting as we often didn’t do this! The four of us had so much fun that night that we played until they shut the lights out on us at 10:00 p.m.! Still not ready for our fun-filled evening to end, we decided to take a lil’ walk around the park before turning in for the night.

We left the now darkened tennis courts and walked towards 27th Street. After walking along this beautiful tree-lined street with the best houses in town running opposite of us, we turned the corner and set off in the direction of Niedringhaus School. As we were approaching one of the park pavilions, I pointed out a man lying in the grass with a handful of bags surrounding him.

After bringing him to our collective attention, the four of us stopped absolutely dead in our tracks. We all stood there as motionless as he lie, with only about ten feet separating us from him.

“Is he dead?” Ashley asked in a low whisper.

“God, I hope not,” I answered. “He’s gotta be just sleeping.”

“But what if he’s dead?” Ashley asked as her voice raised some, giving way to the panic in her tone. “Marcus, go check and see if he’s dead,” she added encouragingly.

“Oh my goodness, don’t,” Melissa said in fear as Marcus ignored her plea and stepped foot off the path and into the grass.

Ashley followed closely to Marcus as the two of them inched closer and closer to the motionless man in the grass. It was impossible for Melissa and I to see his face from where we stood as the several bags he had scattered around him all obstructed our view and he was most definitely lying in the darkest spot around, but nonetheless, we weren’t as curious as our counterparts and remained steadfast where we stood.

“Is he dead?” Melissa questioned with the nervousness in her voice more apparent than ever.

“I can’t tell,” Marcus replied as he and Ashley now stood right over the motionless man.

“Let’s just leave him be and get out of here,” I said as my heart began to pick up pace. “We can just call the police and let them figure it out.”

“SIR! SIR!” Ashley hollered as she clapped her hands repeatedly while standing just inches from his upper torso. “SIR! WAKE UP!”

Melissa and I both about leapt out of our skin and essentially in unison whispered yelled back, “Ashley! What are you doing!?!”

“I want to make sure he isn’t dead!” She interjected to us in between her constants claps and repeated “Sir’s!”

“He’s probably just homeless and asleep in the park,” I said as a young couple approached our increasingly tense and getting nowhere situation.

“Everything alright?” The young boy asked as he and his girlfriend tightened hands.

“We can’t tell if this guy is just sleeping or if he’s dead,” Ashley answered them as she continued to stand nearly on top the motionless man.

The boy wasted no time and whipped his phone out of his pocket. “I’m just gonna call the police,” he said as he did just that. His girlfriend looked sick with fright.

Ashley and Marcus left the grass around the man and came back over to where Melissa and I stood on the sidewalk by the young couple. It was no more than ninety seconds after the boy made his call when we had three cop cars descending upon us all at the very same time.

Each of the three officers left their vehicles and came over to the six of us where we caught them up to speed on everything that had transpired prior to their arrival. The three police all walked into the grass towards the motionless man, leaving the six of us to stand there in suspense.

One of the officers reached the motionless man first and began nudging him ever-so-slightly with his boot before saying, “come on, buddy. Wake up.”

It felt like a lifetime watching the three police officers repeat this action and those words before the motionless man was finally motionless no more. Without any warning, he sat straight up, giving the six of us quite the scare as we looked on in horror at what might happen next.

“Come on Greg,” one of the police said as they hoisted him up on his feet. “Let’s go down to the station,” he added as another officer began gathering up all his bags.

Melissa, Marcus, Ashley, myself, and the young couple all stood there and watched as the police loaded “Greg” and his belongings into one of the cop cars. Greg’s escort and another officer left while the third one walked back over to the six of us still standing there on the sidewalk.

“Well kids, thanks for calling us,” the officer said appreciatively. “Now I want you all to do me a favor when you go home to your parents tonight,” he said with a smile across his face that was only half lit from the street lamp. “I want you to ask them about ‘Greg the Animal.'”

“Greg the Animal!?!” We echoed in curiosity.

“Yep, ‘Greg the Animal,'” he replied with a grin before adding, “well again, thanks for giving us a call and have a good rest of your night.” He then turned and walked back to his vehicle, leaving the six of us there on the sidewalk in awe of what just happened.

“Okay, before we talk about ‘Greg the Animal’ I just have to say that cop must’ve only been looking at the two of you,” I said while indicating to the young couple. “I mean, yes, I look super young, but these three are in their late twenties,” I said motioning now to Marcus, Ashley, and Melissa.

“Oh my God, shut up,” Melissa laughed sarcastically as she gently pushed me into the grass.

“Well, have a good night,” the young boy said as he and his girlfriend started to turn and walk in the opposite direction from which they came. “We gotta go home and ask our parents about ‘Greg the Animal!'” He said while tossing a look back at the four of us over his shoulder.

Ashley, Marcus, Melissa, and I all laughed as we continued about our way in the direction we were originally heading. Spending the entire rest of our walk and many nights since discussing and wondering about who “Greg the Animal” just might be…

A Google search of “Greg the Animal Granite City Illinois” gives me absolutely nothing worthwhile and even when I change it to a more appropriate “Greg the Animal Cutesville USA” I still don’t generate shit. This was an isolated incident as well, I’ve never come across him again in the past nine years I’ve been walking that park, so unless one of you know who he might be, we’ll forever be in the dark on this mystery.

As always, THANK YOU so much for reading! I appreciate you greatly! Please feel free to leave me a comment below as I absolutely LOVE reading and responding to them! I’ll return soon with another all-new blog, so until then, I wish you all, all the best!