The Woman In Me Is HEAVY!

As we all know, there’s no one in this world that means more to me than Britney Spears. She’s been the love of my life since 1998 and will continue to be so till the world ends. For twenty-five years Britney’s been an omnipresence like no other, there alongside me through every moment and most definitely I too for her – as much as either of us can be given we’ve actually never met, but if you’ve ever been a fan of anything, you can surely understand this. Which is why when her autobiography, The Woman In Me, was released on October 24, 2023, my world stopped (well, as much as it can, after all, an object in motion stays in motion), but anyway, I diverted much of my time, effort, and energy this past week into reading her words that she wrote on her terms, at last.

I took Wednesday, October 25 off exclusively so I could read her book, but found myself oddly hesitant to start. All the days prior I envisioned waking up early and curling up in my chair in the living room with my leopard print blanket my mom quilted for me years ago and just diving straight in, but while I managed to do the waking up early part with no problem, I kept distracting myself from the book with other things to do for hours on end. I knew good and well her story was going to take an emotional toll on me and now that I finally had it in hand, I found myself unbelievably nervous to begin. When you care about someone as much as I do Britney, you want nothing but the best for them, so knowing that isn’t necessarily what she ever had, I was fearful for what I was about to read.

Finally around 1:00 in the afternoon that Wednesday, some five hours after waking up, I finally sat down and poured myself into those pages and my fears were immediately confirmed, this was by far the heaviest material I’ve ever read from someone I loved. I’ve read no shortage of celebrity autobiographies, all of which of course are people I love, Richard Marx, Jessica Simpson, Mariah Carey, Michael Bolton, Melanie C, but while they’ve all lived fascinating lives and have overcome their own share of obstacles, none of them can hold a candle to what Britney Spears went through and I don’t believe any other star past, present, or even future ever will, and honestly, thank goodness for that because no one should have to experience all that Britney did.

I’m not really going to breakdown and review everything that happens in Britney’s incredibly raw, sincere, and emotional book, I most definitely implore you to read it for yourself, but my single biggest takeaway is how aware she now is that she was never really viewed as an actual human being, by hardly anyone. Sure, her true friends and fans obviously do, but sadly, she’s always been viewed through this cold, odd lens as though she were just merely a product or a machine, somehow completely void of emotions. Reading these emotionally weighted pages showcased time and time again though that the awful reality was that it was her handlers who were the ones void of emotion as their behaviors and treatment towards Britney were consistently inhumane.

No one deserves to be treated the way in which Britney was, no one, but the fact that she is one of the biggest stars in pop culture history makes her situation even more sickening. Here is this incredibly talented individual who has brought never-ending joy and happiness to billions all around the world and for the greater part of her life, she lacked those very same emotions. This was so unbelievably heavy for me, I really can’t even begin to tell you how much this hurt my heart. I found myself thinking each time I turned the page, Britney deserved better.

As a fan, there were so many moments where certain things suddenly made so much more sense, like the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards performance of Gimme More for example. Reading her point of view on these aspects of her career and life brought so much of what I thought I knew into clearer focus and each time broke me a little bit more. I always knew certain details of what transpired in the public eye, often the manner in which is was purposefully presented, couldn’t have ever been what they were made out to be and finally getting to hear Britney’s reality brought so much truth to light.

I really had to take my time with The Woman In Me and ended up reading it across three sittings because it was honestly just too heavy for me to read all the way through. I know I’ve used the word heavy here a lot – even in the title of this post – but there’s no better word for how this literature made me feel. There was a point where it felt like after every single chapter I would have to just sit there and pause for a moment to marinate on what I had just read, often with tears streaming down my cheeks. Britney suffered abuse through nearly every chapter of her life and now she was sharing that abuse in nearly every chapter of her book and it just took an extreme toll on me and I’m not obviously even personally impacted by any of it! She writes extensively about the emotional toll all this trauma caused her, but still, I can’t help but think that maybe certain feelings and emotions cannot always be properly conveyed – especially in the public eye – and after reading about the constant neglect and malevolence Britney faced, I wonder if this may be the case for her, I know it definitely would be for me.

While Britney describes the emotional bond between herself and her fans and how she believes that bond ultimately saved her in the end from the evils of the conservatorship, this book wasn’t for us, she actually wrote this book for an audience of two: her sons, Sean Preston and Jayden.

This realization was the hardest for me because of all the rumors and such that their relationship is strained and after reading everything she put in there, I don’t know how it couldn’t be. These boys never really got to really know their mom because her handlers wouldn’t allow them to and that is a tragedy that will take years for Britney and the boys to undo. So much precious time and memories weren’t able to be made because Britney’s own dad and the rest of the conservatorship heads wouldn’t permit it. If you ask me, anyone involved in or benefiting from the conservatorship is the very embodiment of evil, so the fact that Britney had to write a book for the world to read just to explain herself to her sons broke my heart even further.

I have always thought Britney Spears to be one of the strongest people in the world, but after reading The Woman In Me, I have to say, I think she might be the strongest person in the world. No one else has ever lived a life like her, no one. She has endured more hardships and hatred than perhaps anyone and yet she has consistently rose above it all and proven time and time again that she truly is stronger than yesterday and hopefully from here on out, it really is nothing but her way.

Do yourself a favor, get this book and give it a read! Whether you’re a fan of Britney’s or not really doesn’t matter, this narrative is about human rights and overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds. While it was most undoubtedly heavy, I also found it to be incredibly inspiring. Phrases like “no one is coming to save us” take on a whole new meaning in The Woman In Me with Britney realizing no one was going to rescue her and rising to the occasion of being her own hero and there are few things in this world more heroic and inspiring then that.

As always, THANK YOU so much for reading! I appreciate you greatly! Feel free to leave a comment below as I love reading and responding to them! I’ll return soon with another all new post, so until then, I wish you all, all the best!