Onward from the Castle on the Hill

With Kamber in another terminal, I found myself alone at the Cancun airport with three hours before my flight. I didn’t want to spend all that time at the gate, so I opted to dine at Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant. I figured this would easily eat up a third of my time. I never figured though that this simple decision would radically alter my feelings on my recent life-changing decision.

Like so much else on this trip, it didn’t just happen as it should, extra baggage came along with it. The super sweet hostess sat me at a table for four despite being a party of one. No sooner had she walked away did another member of the staff rush over to tell me – in the rudest tone – that I was sitting at a table for four. Yes, he was correct, I was. He didn’t add any additional details past stating the obvious before walking away. Less than a minute later, another worker came over and told me I couldn’t sit there. I responded by telling her I didn’t choose this seat, the hostess chose it for me. Nonetheless, I’d be happy to move elsewhere. Then an individual, assumingly the manager, came to tell me that I had to move and directed me to follow him.

Everyone seated around me was watching this unfold and one older gentleman told me he wouldn’t move if he were me. I understood where he was coming from but there was no point in elevating a truly meaningless situation, so I followed the manager. I was led across the restaurant to the very back corner against the wall. Honestly though, this turned out to be a blessing in more ways than one. There was a plug on the wall for me to charge my phone from and the speaker playing some serious jams was now right above me. This was an upgrade, even if it did cause a small spectacle.

Now I’ll readily admit, despite the improved seating, I was a little perturbed by the manner in which this debacle was handled. So I capitalized on my minimal hunger and ordered just a side of French Fries and a Dr. Pepper, after all that, I wasn’t about to spend more money here than need be. After placing my order, one of my favorite sad songs of all time began playing, Ed Sheeran’s, “Castle on the Hill.”

If you don’t already know this about me, I LOVE ED SHEERAN! He’s one of three artists that has SEVERAL songs that can instantly make me cry. You got Ed, Carrie Underwood, and then of course the one and only, Céline Dion. These three just tug at my heartstrings and deliver me a sob song better than anyone. Suffice it to say, “Castle on the Hill” dealt me a heavier blow than the table fiasco!

Knowing good and well that if I sat there and cried to the song like I wanted to, everyone would assume it was because I was forced to move spots. I couldn’t have this. So, I began taking deep yet quiet breaths, hoping and praying that I was capable of regulating my emotions. I silently prayed that the waitress or no one else came over to talk to me. I was fearful that if someone did and I had to open my mouth to speak, only gasps and sobs would roll off my tongue. I mean to tell you, “Castle on the Hill” had me in my feels. My mind just hadn’t yet connected with my heart on why I was feeling so emotional in that moment.

Hours later when I was on the plane jotting down the table relocation incident in my trip journal, I realized just how perfect it was for me to hear Ed’s poetic hymn back in that moment. Just the week prior I had left my employer of three and a half years and was set to begin a new professional journey upon my return home. At the time, I possessed a multitude of feelings about the job I’d left and honestly, many of them were less than favorable. Hearing “Castle on the Hill” in that whack-a-doodle, overpriced restaurant acted as a reset of emotions and I couldn’t be more thankful for it.

My change in emotions wasn’t so much me romanticizing the past, but instead choosing to focus on the positive aspects over the other ones. Despite the multitude of turbulence I experience in a multitude of forms over my time there, the good far outweighed the bad.

Like I said, I spent three and a half years at this place! That’s nearly the time one spends in high school and regardless of how old you are, I’m certain you have plenty of memories from those four formative years. I’m also willing to wager a majority of your memories have more to do with the people you shared them with than the place in which they were made. I didn’t stay there for all that time because I loved the job or the company, I stayed because I loved the people.

I’ve been absolutely blessed in that every job I’ve ever had I’ve walked away from with several new friends. Not one single exception to any place I’ve ever worked. (See: This One Goes Out To The Ones I Love and My Golden Era of Employment for further insight.) Easily for me the most thrilling part of beginning a new career is knowing good and well that I’m about to meet one of my new best friends. Best of all for me though is the fact that this last place proved to be a true treasure trove of friendships!

Before I tie this all back to Ed Sheeran and his life-changing hymn, I want to bring up another song that has stayed with me for the entirety of my life. I don’t remember it’s name, but I remember the lyrics vividly and have honestly made them into a manifesto of sorts for how I live my life. Those lyrics go: Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other, gold. A circle’s round, it has no end. That’s how long I’m gonna be your friend. We would sing this little ditty every music lesson at my Montessori School. Needless to say, I owe quite a lot to this song. You would honestly think it was originally written and performed by Britney Spears, that’s how life-changing it’s proven to be for me.

I do believe music speaks to us – at least me – when I need it most. From time to time someone will pull up next to me blasting a song, or I’ll be in the store, or I’ll turn on the radio and in special moments, the song that arrives is one that perfectly captures my situation. Sitting aboard that flight home listening to “Castle on the Hill” on repeat was when I realized this song happened for a reason. Ed Sheeran has dozens of hits that could’ve been played and I would’ve loved hearing any single one of them, but hearing this one when I did was the universe’s way of speaking to me.

In the first pre-chorus of “Castle on the Hill,” Ed sings, “found my heart and broke it there.” He’s obviously talking about love in the romantic sense, but love comes in a multitude of varieties and I often paint with a broad brush when applying song lyrics to my personal life. Just ask my best friend, Katie – whom I worked with at Target some twenty years ago – she’ll definitely confirm this is the case!

As I have aged, so has the style of relationships I find myself apart of. My friend group runs the gamut of ages, but in this last place, my heart found itself in an expansion mode of sorts. At my permanent twenty-nine, I am of that age where young people view me as a mentor of sorts, which is why my peers began calling several of our associates, “my children.” I’ll readily admit, they definitely weren’t wrong for that use of terminology either.

I’m obviously not a true parent to anyone outside of my furbaby, Hockley, but nonetheless, I treated these “children” of mine in such a way that quotations really aren’t necessary when using the word children going forward. I went above and beyond for those kids and honestly love each of them with every beat of my heart. Our relationships may have begun at work, but they all evolved far beyond the bricks and mortar of the building.

Now returning to those lyrics of Ed’s, to say my heart was broken a couple of times would also be quite a true statement. After all, the very next lyrics in “Castle on the Hill” are, “made friends and lost them through the years.” Couldn’t be more applicable and accurate to my situation there. Two of my sons and I no longer speak and of course that’s heartbreaking, but I can confidently say I’m better for having had those relationships when I did than to have never of had them at all. (See: I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues for further insight into one.) They, along with their siblings, put me on a path that helped me realize I do in fact want to be a dad one day.

The youth weren’t the only ones I created impactful and important bonds with. On the opposite end of the age spectrum I befriended some absolutely spectacular and special people who I’ve grown incredibly close with. Too often I see people allow their age to restrict and restrain them from living their best life, but I could never and neither do they. When you connect with someone, regardless of age, you just know that’s your person. You can’t help your age, but you can help how you live it.

It couldn’t be more perfect that Ed sings about “singing to ‘Tiny Dancer'” in the “Castle on the Hill” chorus when Elton John and Britney Spears sample that very song on their smash collaboration, “Hold Me Closer.” A jam that we played at least twice a day at work. Needless to say, when Britney and Elton came on, the volume went up! I didn’t just turn it up a notch or two either, I would turn it so loud that it felt like we were all inside an Abercrombie & Fitch! I’m always here to give Britney her flowers.

The whole second verse of “Castle on the Hill” is wildly unrelatable to me as I’ve literally never done a single thing Ed lists in the first half (smoking, running from the law, getting drunk), BUT in the crisis counselor role that I had found myself in, I was hearing about these situations on the regular.

Yes, I had my children who I mentored and coached through their various life situations, but honestly, nearly everyone shared their life moments with me and many of those included the aforementioned topics. You’ll never hear me say the best advice comes from experience! (Insert wink face emoji here.)

Heading into the pre-chorus Ed sings about finding weekend jobs. Plenty of those at this place of employment were literally working just that, a weekend job. I’d always hear about how school and work was keeping these kids social lives down, so just like Ed, they too “have not thrown up in so long.” And by “thrown up” Ed means party or hang with friends, not vomit. Just to clarify for everyone.

The bridge is where my heart is decimated each time. Like, sometimes I can listen to the entire song up until the bridge before crying, but there’s no way I’m getting out of that bridge without tears in my eyes. Ed goes on to describe a defining event that characterizes each of his friends and hearing it now makes me think of so many of those I worked with then. The stories and sagas that people entrusted me with I’ll never forget and while I can’t relate to many of them, I can always emphasize with any of them.

I can assure you all though, this certainly wasn’t one-sided. I found myself in a handful of sagas in the final third of my time there and without my beloved co-workers, I’m certain I couldn’t have navigated those choppy waters quite the same. (See: Thank You For Being A Friend! for further insight into one of the bunch.) I leaned heavily on my peers during those turbulent times and am forever grateful and thankful for the advice and support I received. Those outside experiences wouldn’t have been the same without those people inside the walls of that workplace.

It’s also because of the scenarios alluded to directly above that I decided to take the advice – or truly lack thereof – and proceed onward in my life. I’m not going to share that unbelievable story here, but just know that while the reason I stayed was because of my love for all those I worked alongside, the reason I left was for the love of myself. After all, I learned long ago from Whitney Houston that self love truly is The Greatest Love of All.

Back to Ed and his masterpiece of a song, when I now hear him sing that final chorus in the keychange he does, I realize that part of my heart will always lie with those outstanding individuals from that individual place. They are what I’ll take with me, not the calamity and chaos that often reigned throughout. “And I’m on my way. I still remember these old country lanes. When we did not know the answers. And I miss the way you make me feel, it’s real. When we watched the sunset over the castle on the hill.”

The sun has set on my time there at that “castle,” so while physically I no longer exist in that space, mentally and emotionally I’ll never leave it. I’m not the same person I am today as I was in November of 2020 when I started there and I can thank each and every single one of the people from those three and a half years that helped me grow into who I am. I wouldn’t be me without them, so really and truly, THANK YOU all for being the best thing I never knew I needed.

As always, THANK YOU so much for reading! Feel free to leave a comment below as I love reading and responding to them! I’ll return soon with another all-new post, so until then, I wish you all, all the best!

Please enjoy this quick little photo gallery highlighting some of my favorite people and memories from across the past three and a half years: