It’s My Party

Most of us know by now that two years ago I was having the most difficult time writing my book. I was woefully uninspired and because I was writing so infrequently, everything I churned out was a steaming pile of generic garbage. So, after years and years of being told to do so by friends and family alike, I finally took the plunge and posted my first blog on April 27, 2018. Amazingly enough, we are now more than two years removed from that date and no doubt about it, verybeneficial.net is stronger than yesterday!

In fact, the very post that you’re reading right now is my sixtieth! I can’t believe I’ve published sixty of these things! Now this ain’t no Shania Twain song because that does impress me much! Despite this success, I feel like I’m now in one of those weird places where everything has changed, but at the same time, nothing has at all.

I started blogging to strengthen my writing, so that one day I would finally write my book. Well, if you read Go The Distance, then you know, I finished it. Shithead has been complete since this past October. That’s where the everything has changed feels come in. The nothing has changed feels arrive simultaneously though because I’m in the exact same place today as I was when I finished some seven months ago.

Being perfectly honest, this mandatory book proposal that literary agents require for first time non-fiction texts sucks hardcore. It’s essentially a business report on why a publishing house would profit from publishing my work and writing it has been tedious at best. Suffice it to say, I’m not lovin’ it, which is why I’ve been dragging my feet throughout this entire process. I’m now just one final part away from wrapping it all up and being able to send my query letter out to prospective literary agents. I was hoping to finish by my birthday (May 1), but that didn’t happen. Nonetheless, the end is near and once I secure an agent, I’ll never have to do another one of these again. Praise the Lord for that!

This post isn’t about the shortcomings on my book proposal though, no, it’s about the success you all have delivered my blog over the past two years. Now, I’ve been asked a handful of times by some of y’all snarky asses if anyone actually reads my blog, so let me showcase the following statistics with you. As of this writing I’ve had…

12,434 views

4,208 visitors

658 subscribers

347 comments (my personal favorite!)

29 countries (international Britney Spears Facebook fan groups for the win!)

I couldn’t be more proud of these numbers! Part of the book proposal is showcasing that you’ve built an audience for your work and because of this blog, I can boast that I’ve managed to do just that. I definitely never thought I’d even achieve half of this, so thank you all for making my site soar!

To help strengthen my author appeal, I’ve added categories across my blog. Up until this past month, everything was published as “uncategorized,” but now every single post has been placed under one of six categories. As I introduce you to each new category, I’d like to showcase a pair of posts that have been big hits for me in a sort of best of introspective. Each post’s name is a link that’ll take you directly to it, so you can either read what you believe you’ve missed, relive the story all over again, or ignore it all together, the choices is all yours, but I love to give you all options.

Birthday Party: a celebration of some of the most important people in my life. Lil’ Cutesville and Library Juicer have both been HUGE hits out of this category. In fact, within just one week of release, Library Juicer has gone on to become my most viewed post of 2020! Thank you, Chris! My brother never fails to entertain. These image heavy posts are definitely something I’ll be utilizing more of in the future as these two have proven to be wildly successful.

Friend Like Me: an instance where I terrorized a loved one. Ex-Girlfriend, which is BY FAR my most controversial blog and ended up costing me my friendship with Joseph would be the best example of this category, but It’s All Coming Back To Me Now, where I tried courting our waiter for Melissa’s heart would be a close second.

My Life: kind of my most generic category. Just a collection of all the wild and crazy things that happen in my life whether they be by my own design like in P.A.M., which highlights the naughty game Melissa and I play every holiday season, or events that happen beyond my control like in P.I.M.P., when I was nearly raped in the men’s restroom at SIUE. All in all, this category plays across a pretty broad spectrum.

On Writing: anything that has to do with my writing, so like in Setback when I detailed how my computer crashed and I lost EVERYTHING I’d written up to the spring of 2019. In retrospect, that was the best thing that ever happened to me, so yes, hindsight is always 20/20. Or like with The Joust Part One, where I showcased an early rendering of one of the stories that actually made the final cut for my book. If I wrote it about writing it, it’s gonna be here. I also want to thank my dear friend, Jessica, for basically helping me name this category. When I moved to California she gave me Stephen King’s autobiography of sorts, “On Writing,” which is obviously where I drew the name from. THANK YOU, JESSICA! You’re simply the best!

Review: easy enough, this is any review I’m giving about anything. Whether it be something I’ve watched, something I’ve read, something I’ve listened to, or someplace I’ve visited, if I have thoughts about the experience, you’ll find them here. Like in Soul Brother Top 25 where I countdown my top twenty-five favorite songs of all time, or October 26, 2019 when Céline Dion gave us a truly spiritual experience of which I’m most certain will not be toppled till the next time we see her live. Tears and goosebumps.

Thunder Shits: it’s a little bit funny that I have enough pants pooping stories to warrant their own category. In fact, my very first blog ever, The Start of Something New, tells of the very first of what is now five times I pooped myself. It still remains BY FAR my most viewed blog, but I think maybe It’s Gonna Be Me might be my personal favorite. I can’t believe I even have a favorite of these, but there was just so much going on in that one that it’ll forever hold a special place in my bowels – Sorry! I mean, heart.

The future of verybeneficial.net is every bit as exciting for me as the past because hopefully soon, with the help of my friend, Alan, and my baby California brother, Garrett, I’ll soon have ads back on my site! This is wonderful for me because why shouldn’t I get paid a little to write for y’all? I’m sure it won’t be much, but Hell! Even if it’s a $1 a year! That’ll cover the cost of one of my large Coca-Cola’s at McDonald’s, so of course I’m gonna be excited about this! I’m also going to reinstate the pictures I mistakenly deleted from past posts, but that’s wildly less exciting. I mean, I just paid for another year of this site, so I better double down and make the absolute most of it for everyone!

If you have a favorite memory, blog post, or any thought whatsoever about the past two years, or perhaps even an idea for the future, then please drop a comment below! You already know those comments are my favorite part of this blogging experience, so don’t be shy! Really and truly, THANK YOU oh-so-very much for your continued support! I cannot believe we’re here celebrating two years of verybeneficial.net together! Seriously, none of what I’ve just written would be possible if it not for you, so let me just say, you all are SIMPLY THE BEST! I’ll be back next week with a not-to-be-missed post that I’m certain will have you all laughing – most likely in disbelief, but laughing nonetheless! Melissa and I really went above and beyond for this next one! Until then, I hope each of you has THE BEST week ever!