Hawaii: A Retrospective

I’ve dreamt of going to Hawaii ever since I was a little boy watching the legendary television sitcom, Mama’s Family, with my grandma and grandpa DeShon and seeing Thelma, Vince, Naomi, Bubba, and Iola all take the vacation of a lifetime. After watching how much fun the Harper’s and their zany neighbor had, I knew one day I’d have to get there and have my own fun in the sun!

Well, thanks to Kamber and Charles, all my Hawaiian dreams came true! I had THE BEST time and loved sharing a blog’s worth of photos from each day of our experience. For those who saw the pictures, you know that the storytelling was kept to a minimum. This was absolutely purposeful in that I was far too tired by the time I was compiling each blog to share a bunch of stories alongside all those photos, so something had to go. Now though, I’m completely well-rested and ready to share with you all, all that went down behind the scenes.

In Hawaii: Day One, I shared a couple photos from our flights and at the risk of sounding like an ungrateful, negative bitch, I refrained from sharing on that blog just how excruciating the eight hour flight from Minneapolis to Honolulu was. Prior to then, I never understood why anyone would pay the extra money for a first class seat. My often traveled three and a half/four hour flights to and from Southern California were all effortless and a seat in economy never once bother me. After being on that plane for eight hours though, I get it, I so totally get it because I was about to lose my ever-loving mind!

The entire second half had me feeling like my body was going to explode in angst! The worst was when I checked the flight pattern screen and saw we had three and a half hours to go, then after thinking it’d been a solid forty-five minutes or so since my last check, I looked again. When I saw it had ONLY BEEN THIRTEEN MINUTES I immediately thrust my body up out of that seat and stormed off to the restroom. Not because I had to go (surprising, I know), but because I physically couldn’t sit there another moment! This was the first of what became – I kid you not – FOUR more of these incidents! I was losing my mind. I don’t care how much more a first class seat is, the next time I go to Hawaii or someplace that’s further than four hours away, I’m booking one! Damn the cost! I might be poor, but at least I’ll be comfortable!

The Cheesecake Factory (or CCF as Charles later coined it) has a storied place in my friendship with Kamber, giving us many of our best memories, and one of our worst. Because of this, I had no doubt in my mind that at some point on this trip we would be dining there, but what I didn’t anticipate was dining there THREE times!

The moment that cemented CCF as a staple of our friendship was actually the worst memory of the lot. Back when Kamber and I were working at Target and attending Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, we were both broke with expensive taste. Well, one night we decided to trek over to the Saint Louis Galleria and go share a piece of cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory there. After what was inevitably a delicious slice of Heavenly goodness and an amazing time, we made our way back over the river to Illinois. Well, as a I driving along the interstate, an Illinois state police officer caught up to me and I got a ticket for $125 for speeding. This resulted in me and Kamber’s long running joke about the most expensive piece of cheesecake we ever ate. Since that moment though, we’ve never been together where we didn’t get CCF.

Well, the evening of Hawaii: Day Two was the one that took us on our first trip to The Cheesecake Factory. Melissa and I went with Kamber, Charles, and their three kids, but also Kamber’s dad, step-mother, and twin brothers. Due to COVID restrictions, no more than eight people can be seated together at the same table, so the incredibly hospitable staff at CCF told us they’d put six of us at one table and five of us at another, but our two tables would be neighbors. This was wonderfully accommodating.

When we went outside to wait, little Maerick, Kamber and Charles middle child of about ten, wanted me to watch him play video games. I told him I hadn’t come all the way to Honolulu, Hawaii to watch him play video games. Clearly, I’d come here to go to The Cheesecake Factory and shop at Macy’s (which we did while we waited), two things I already do back at home, but one thing I don’t do back at home is watch anyone play video games and that certainly wasn’t about to start happening in Hawaii.

The morning of Hawaii: Day Three, Melissa and I woke to Kamber texting us saying they were walking to McDonald’s to get breakfast. Needless to say, I shot up out of that bed every bit as fast as I did my seat on that excruciating airplane! I LOVE ME SOME MCDONALD’S! I go to one EVERY place I go and wasn’t about to allow Hawaii to become an exception. Melissa and I hustled the mile or so down the road to McDonald’s and when we got there, we saw they had several unique and local offerings that one would never see on the mainland. Despite all this, I just got my old standby: sausage and egg biscuit with a hashbrown and iced coffee.

At this point you’re probably thinking to yourself, what the fucking fuck!?! This fool went all the way to Hawaii to eat at The Cheesecake Factory and McDonald’s!?! The answer to that though would be, yes, yes he did. We of course ate at a multitude of local eateries, all of which were every bit as wonderful as our beloved CCF or McD’s, but they were all standard issue fare when it came to dining. The only one that generated any kind of story was this breakfast stop we made, Gangnam Style Pancake House or some such name. The entire time we were in there – 90+ minutes – they played K-Pop music videos on the televisions that covered the walls. Suffice it to say, by the end of breakfast, I fully understood the appeal and now think BlackPink and BTS are some of the greatest acts in the game. Their music immediately joined my Apple Music library and thank goodness too! They got some jams!

Returning to the afternoon of Hawaii: Day Three, Kamber, Melissa, and I all went to Pearl Harbor. It was a very sobering experience that naturally gave me a multitude of emotions. Following our excursion out to the USS Arizona Memorial, we walked all around the grounds, which acted as an outdoor museum and showcased where everything would have been on the morning of December 7, 1941. After seeing it all for myself, I have to say, I was shocked at how easy the Navy made it for the Japanese. We apparently thought that Pearl Harbor was too far out for the Japanese to reach and that the harbor was too shallow for torpedoes. Well, Japan overcame both these obstacles and the rest is history. Sadly, American overconfidence cost thousands of lives that day. I realize I’m viewing all this from the space of eighty years, but still, seeing it in person gave me a perspective I’d never once got in any of my US History classes.

We didn’t realize when we were booking our reservations for Pearl Harbor, but the USS Missouri battleship and USS Bowfin submarine are both there as well and are tourable. I would have loved the opportunity to tour each of these given how much I enjoyed touring the USS Midway aircraft carrier downtown San Diego. We had no clue of this though till we got there, but it certainly gives us an excuse to return.

Prior to the night before, Kamber’s stepmom and brothers had never been to The Cheesecake Factory, so that evening we returned because they had all fallen deeply in love with its deliciousness. Plus, it was difficult to find any place willing to cater to the eleven of us. While waiting, we stumbled upon a sidewalk vendor who had a handful of exotic birds and little Charlie, Kamber and Charles youngest and only daughter, is OBSESSED with birds! She was so excited to let them sit on her shoulder and just be that close to the animals she loves the most. Despite being only seven, she knew exactly what kind each one was and made certain to correct me when I used the generic term, “parrot” to describe them. She was in Heaven and it was absolutely adorable.

Melissa and I had the daylit hours of Hawaii: Day Four to ourselves. For breakfast we walked what felt like an eternity to this place we’d seen the night before, Eggs N’ Things. Well, when we got there, they told us it’d be a two hour wait. Needless to say, we thanked them and respectfully rolled out. We ended up stumbling upon this super posh and regal hotel that was erected in 1901 and ended up having the most pleasant breakfast. The food was pretty standard, but the view and atmosphere were simply the best. It was definitely the type of place people who sit in first class seats would eat.

That afternoon delivered one of the absolute best highlights of the trip for me. Melissa and I had lunch and later gelato with my old friend and coworker from Macy’s Escondido, Cynthia, and her husband, Frank. It was such a joy reconnecting with Cynthia after five years. She was always one of my favorite people to work alongside and her husband proved to be every bit as phenomenal as she. Their hospitality around Honolulu was very much in tune with all that we had experienced up to this point, but with that impeccable touch of personal history. I can’t recall a recent afternoon where I had that much enjoyment. It really was simply the best.

On Hawaii: Day Five, Melissa and I, along with Kamber, Charles, and their three kids, all Ubered to Diamond Head Crater, a formerly active volcano. Well, unbeknownst to us and Google is was CLOSED on Wednesday’s because of the pandemic! Instead we decided to go to the Honolulu Zoo as it was just a mere two miles down the hill and Melissa loves nothing more than a good walk.

Fortunately, as we were walking, we stumbled upon a city bus stop and waited patiently for a bus to arrive. When it did, the seven of us climbed aboard and I immediately started striking up a conversation with the driver. He was so passionate and proud of Honolulu, like nearly all those that live there that he gave us seven all-day bus passes for $20! A $6 savings! We were so grateful and he was so helpful and we found ourselves at the zoo in no time!

The evening greatly differed from the day in that I nearly found myself a widow. Kamber, Melissa, and I all decided to go to a place I’d discovered on Instagram called Tantalus Lookout. It was a beautiful mountain top field overlooking the city of Honolulu and the ocean. It was stunningly breathtaking. Well, take Melissa’s breath away it nearly did, but not in the loving way like the song. She quite literally about died.

Our Uber driver dropped us off at this pretty decent lookout spot, but I noticed there was no field or any other markers that I’d seen in people’s Instagram’s, so I asked a boy sitting atop his Jeep if there was another spot and he enthusiastically told us we were searching for the place at the top of the mountain that was just a mere mile up the road, no more than twenty minutes he assured us.

He was correct with both his time and distance, but what he left out what just how narrow this road was and how many blind corners it possessed. I thought I was going to die a handful of times when these cars would whip around the bend and I’d have to lean in to the tall grass. It was terrifying for me, but for poor Melissa whose feet were swollen to the size of industrial cobblestones, it was just awful. At one point she cried out in agony for Kamber and I to go on ahead and she would just lay in defeat in the wet grass (it had rained a little while earlier), but Kamber and I demanded she pressed on because we knew the view was not to be missed and we were absolutely right.

I’ve been to four continents and all over the United States, but never in my life have I seen a view this spectacular. I was in awe and in love. It was well worth nearly dying a half dozen times trying to get up there. I just felt so at ease and at peace looking out as far as the eye could see over downtown Honolulu and the Pacific. It truly did take my breath away in the loving sense like sung about in the iconic song.

On Hawaii: Day Six we rented a minivan – which cost us $600 for two days! Lord, have mercy. We should’ve had the foresight to reserve that shit weeks in advance because they really got the best of us that day, but whatever, we had a phenomenal couple of days because of it. We then proceeded to drive all around the island of Oahu, following a road trip guide that I’d found from someone’s Instagram post. Needless to say, it was very beneficial and took us to many of the place’s we already discussed going. Our day was perfect and we even made it back to a now opened Diamond Head Crater where I illegally got out of the minivan – on my own – and ran into the park to take photos while the other six stayed in the traffic line. I had to be as swift as I was secretive in my picture taking though because they charge admission into the park and I wasn’t looking to do that for a dozen half baked photos.

Following a phenomenal day of sightseeing I found myself in the twilight hours feeling the worst way. I had a terrible sinus headache and migraine. The city lights were burning my skull and all I wanted to do was go back to the hotel and lay down in complete darkness, which I did, while the other six all went and had Ramen. Melissa ended up bringing me back Burger King french fries and a Coke because that’s my go-to food when I feel awful like I did and that clean eating mixed with the hour or so of darkness and rest helped ease me back to better. I’m telling you, I was not in a good way. I felt like I was going to vomit, but thankfully never did.

Hawaii: Day Seven was supposed to be our last one, but due to Delta Airlines delaying our flight THREE TIMES, Melissa and I received this day in its entirety. Kamber and her crew were there for the majority of it as well since their flight home wasn’t till the late evening. We spent the majority of the day at the beach, which was relaxing and wonderful before utilizing our minivan and heading off to the Dole Pineapple Plantation. I LOVE ME SOME PINEAPPLE, so this was a true highlight. We got Dole Whips and dried Pineapple pieces, which instantly put me in a tropical island Heaven.

It was this evening after Kamber and her family left that Melissa and I returned to CCF. I realize that this was a conscious choice on our behalf, but we had such perfect experiences there the first two times that it just seemed fitting to close out our trip this way. Plus, they had this piece of original cheesecake topped with fresh pineapple pieces that I was craving every single day (and still am) since I had it on our second visit. It’s my favorite cheesecake ever, which is truly saying something given how phenomenal all their options are.

On our way to the airport the morning of what became Hawaii: Bonus Day, I became convinced that Melissa and I were not meant to leave the island. The main interstate running through Honolulu was completely shutdown, so as a result, the traditional twenty minute ride to the airport was magnified to seventy minutes and the Uber trip ended up costing me $92! Lord, have mercy! It’s definitely not cheap to travel around the island, unless of course you make friends with the city bus driver.

By the time we arrived at the airport I had to pee so badly that I was terrified of walking as briskly as I yearned to in fear that I was going to pee all down my legs. So there I was walking like the Tin Man in angst as I drug my luggage behind me and made my way awkwardly to the restroom. The stress of wondering whether we’d ever even make it to the airport coupled with my constant water bottle drinking nearly spelled certain doom to my lower half. No doubt about it, answered prayers were what prevented me from soiling myself while still making our flight on time. Even in our end moments everything about this trip was a complete and total blessing.

Well, as always, THANK YOU so much for viewing my post! I greatly appreciate you! PLEASE leave a comment below as I LOVE nothing more than reading and responding to them! I’ll be back before the month’s end with another all new post, so until then, I wish you all the best!